“I would have set myself on fire to keep you warm. Now I will burn the whole damn forest to keep my son safe.” – Nikita Gill (adapted)

My Interpretation: I used to dim myself. Break myself. Bleed for someone else’s comfort. But not anymore. Not when it comes to him. Rowan deserves more than the cycle I stayed stuck in. I am not afraid to go down swinging if it means he rises untouched.

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I Will Burn the Fucking Path Behind Me

There are a lot of things I have been quiet about.
A lot of things I have let slide.
A lot of peace I held in my teeth just to avoid setting fire to already-frayed bridges.

But when it comes to Rowan?
I will burn the fucking path behind me
if it keeps him safe.

Because I did not survive all that I did just to let someone like Cade
mess with my son’s future for the sake of convenience.

We talked about this school for months.
If we are being honest? Years.
We agreed on it when I was pregnant.
It was not about it being the closest.
It was about where Rowan could thrive.
Where he would not just be another file number or a flagged behavior report.
Where they would see him – the whole of him.
Zero tolerance for bullying.
Academic support without sacrificing empathy.
It is ranked in the top 100 schools in the state.
It gives him every chance to succeed.

& we agreed.

Until suddenly Cade decided it was “too far” for his morning routine.
The same commute I volunteered to handle alone – now it’s “too much” when it affects his comfort.

Now, let me be clear –
Rowan is not a spreadsheet.
He is not a budget line or a convenience sacrifice.
He is not a cost-benefit analysis.

He is a child.
My child.
& his well-being is not up for debate.

You want to guilt me? Try.
You want to paint me like I’m “dramatic”?
Go ahead.
But I will show up every damn day in full armor
if it means my son gets the chance to be seen, supported, & safe.

I am not negotiating anymore.
Not with a man who forgot birthdays.
Who forgot holidays.
Who forgot how to show up unless it benefited him.

& now?
Now I am being guilted because he did not build a house twenty minutes closer to the school –
On land still tied up in a trust under his grandparents’ name.
You want to play victim?
Play it somewhere else.

Let’s talk reality:
He has not brought that land up in two years.
He gets guilted?
I get blamed?

Stop.
Just stop.

Do I believe in the education system? I do not know.
I am not trying to argue politics – I do not even pretend to understand all of it.
Some call that ignorant. Maybe it is.
But what I do know?
Is that if Rowan decides he wants to be a doctor, a veterinarian, a lawyer –
He will need a diploma.
He will need college.
He will need the opportunity to succeed.
That is my job as a parent.
Not to project my opinions, but to give him options.

& now?
Now that school starts in less than a month, Cade wants to undo it all.
Flip the plan.
Just… move the goalposts like it never mattered.

Meanwhile?
I am here holding the whole structure up.
& let’s be honest – avoiding Grady is a bonus to this school’s location.
Double Yahtzee.

At this point?
I am ready to sell everything.
Pack the fuck up.
Get out of this state & never look back.
Legally, of course.

So here it is, for the record:
I do not care if I am the villain in his story.
I do not care if it means walking this road alone.
I will walk it. I will crawl it.
I will scorch the earth behind me.

But Rowan?
Rowan will never wonder if he was worth fighting for.

Xoxo ♡