“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” –Anatole France

 

My Interpretation: Koby was not just a dog. He was a witness. A soul-companion. He saw the unedited, unfiltered, unlovable-feeling parts of me; & he stayed anyway.

You were my safe place. My soft landing. Now I carry all that love inside my throat like a howl I do not know how to release without you.

---

Series 2 – Post 2: Letters From The Inside

The Left Wing

---

My perfect pumpkin,

 

You were never just a dog.

You were my Wolfpack.

My therapist.

My favorite boy.

 

You were everything good in this world

wrapped in fur, loyalty,

& joy.

---

& the silence since you left?

It is unbearable.

You were not afraid of a damn thing.

Not water.

Not storms.

Not shadows.

 

You would jump into the bathtub like it was an adventure.

Rocky still makes me throw out my back just to get him in-

but you?

You leapt. Like,

 

“Let’s do this, Mom.”

 

You were like that with everything.

Kayaks? Hell yeah.

Fireworks? Bring it.

New trail, new smells, new day?

Already at the door.

 

You were fearless, but never reckless.

Fast as hell, but never dangerous.

You chased bunnies like it was a game-

like you knew it would make me laugh.

---

& I swear…

you did it for that laugh.

We howled at the moon together-

like we were made for it.

 

You & me, out there in the yard,

a couple of lunatics with too many feelings

& no one else to talk to.

 

You were my safest mirror.

My softest reminder that joy still exists-

even after everything.

When I danced to the 10-minute version of All Too Well,

you howled with me like a reincarnated Swiftie.

 

The only German shepherd I have ever seen

who could howl on key

& look dead serious doing it.

 

& yes, okay-

maybe the dancing part was a little encouraged.

 

But the howling?

That was all you.

---

You walked beside me through trauma after trauma.

& not once did I feel alone while you were here.

 

You watched over me like it was your job-

like you chose me

in every life before this one,

& every life after.

---

Five weeks later,

I still feel the grief lodged in my throat

like a scream I am not ready to let out.

 

I see you in the empty space at the foot of the bed.

I feel you in every moment

I instinctively reach down to pet you-

only to find air.

 

Rocky feels it too.

He looks for you in the corners.

Sleeps differently now.

He does not howl.

He just waits.

---

You were my shadow –

but brighter.

 

You were the rhythm under my chaos.

& the world feels quieter

in all the wrong ways

without you.

---

Thank you

for chasing joy with me.

For choosing me.

For protecting me from the kind of loneliness

I did not even know I was carrying.

If heaven exists,

I hope they have got a kayak waiting for us.

A bunny trail that never ends.

& a moon that always makes us howl.

 

Until then –

I will keep your leash right where it was.

I will keep your name close to my chest.

& I will keep my heart cracked open

just enough

for your paw-prints to stay pressed inside it.

Forever,

Mom

 

xoxo ♡