“When little boys are taught to be emotionally honest, the world changes.” –bell hooks

 

My Interpretation: This is not about making him soft. It is about making him strong enough to handle emotion without weaponizing it. To lead with empathy, not ego. To walk away when someone says no – & still know his worth. This is the post that walks into the damn room & flips the narrative. No more “boys will be boys.” We are raising boys to be men who listen, feel, & respect boundaries without flinching.

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Series 3 – Post 2: Motherhood & Madness

“Boys Will Be Boys” is Bullshit

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Here is the truth:

It takes intention to raise boys in a world that keeps telling them to disconnect.

 

To disconnect from their feelings.

From their softness.

From their empathy.

From their accountability.

 

Because the world?

The world tells boys to be tough before they even know what strength is.

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But not in my house.

Not with my son.

Not on my watch.

 

In this house, we name our feelings.

 

We ask questions like:

• Why are you frustrated?
• What would make this feel better?
• Did something I say hurt you?
• Can I help you understand that feeling so you do not have to carry it alone?

 

We feel things, & we talk about them.

We do not punch walls.

We do not shove feelings down until they explode.

 

We release.

Like breath.

Like wind.

Like strength that does not need to shout to be real.

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& when it comes to consent?

We do not just “teach” it –

we practice it.

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A while back at daycare, Rowan walked up to a little girl (Whitney’s daughter, of all people) & asked for a hug.

She said no.

 

& you know what he did?

 

He shrugged & walked away.

 

I asked him why he reacted that way, & he looked me straight in the eye & said,

“No means no, Mom.”

 

I fisted the air like I had won a championship.

The daycare provider & I locked eyes across the room – smiling like we had just witnessed a miracle.

 

I told him:

“You are getting ice cream & a happy meal, kiddo. You did the right thing.”

 

Because you do not just reward good grades.

You reward empathy.

You reward emotional maturity.

You reward respect.

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He did not sulk.

He did not cry.

He did not take her “no” personally.

 

Because no is not an attack.

It is a boundary.

 

& rejection?

That is not failure.

That is life.

 

& if I can teach him that now?

He will not grow into a man who needs to unlearn it later.

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I do not want him to feel ashamed of his emotions.

I want him to understand them.

To express them without fear.

 

To let them move through him like weather –

felt, acknowledged,

& then gone with the wind.

 

You do not get rid of big feelings by pretending they do not exist.

You let them pass.

& then you go & get ice cream.

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We are not perfect.

 

I still raise my voice when I wish I did not.

I still catch myself trying to fix when I should be listening.

I still have to explain why “I am fine” is not an honest answer.

 

But I am trying.

I am modeling.

 

I am healing aloud so –

he never has to wonder if feelings are welcome here.

 

They are.

He is.

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So, when people say, “boys will be boys,”

I say:

“Not mine.”

 

Mine will be aware.

Mine will be respectful.

Mine will know his power –

& how to use it gently.

 

Because we do not need more boys who stuff their pain down until it erupts.

 

We need boys who know how to feel it,

name it,

& let it float away.

 

Then ask for a scoop of ice cream.

 

Xoxo ♡