“Sometimes I think I’m over it, but then something small happens and it all comes rushing back. The anger. The hurt. The betrayal. And I realize… I’m not over it. I’m just better at hiding it.” -Brene Brown

My Interpretation: This is not resentment. This is recognition. Of who stepped up. Who looked the other way. & who let me bleed while they kept their hands clean. This one is the moment you look around & realize – it was not you. It was them. Not the victim-blaming “What did you do to deserve it?” But the gut-level “Why did no one protect me?” It is not bitterness – it is clarity. & it is about damn time we say it aloud.

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Maybe I’m Not Bitter…Maybe I’m Just Finally Noticing Who Protected Me (And Who Didn’t)

Series 5: Post 3 – Standalone Punches

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I used to call it bitterness.
I used to shrink when I got angry.
I would flinch at my own fire.
I would gaslight myself before anyone else could,
whispering, “Maybe I am just too sensitive. Maybe I am expecting too much.”

But here is the thing:

I was not bitter.
I was alone.
I was unprotected.
I was a child who needed defense & was silence instead.

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Maybe you know the feeling.
You look back & see all the moments someone should have intervened –
& did not.

⇢ When the comments got inappropriate.
⇢ When the house got loud.
⇢ When the hands got too close.
⇢ When the tears were not enough to make them do something.

& then you carry it –
for years.

You say, “They did not know.”
You say, “They did their best.”
You say, “They loved me in their own way.”

But sometimes?

The truth is:
They failed you.

& you are just now letting yourself feel that.

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It is not bitterness to grieve what you did not get.
It is not drama to acknowledge the damage.
It is not petty to stop pretending people did more than they actually did.

It is called healing.
& healing does not always look like forgiveness.
Sometimes it looks like letting the anger finally have its turn.

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I used to think if I spoke about it, I would sound ungrateful.
Like I was blaming people who “did their best.”
But here is a question I ask now:

Was their best enough to keep me safe?
No?
Then we can talk about it.

Because I did not get to skip the consequences of their silence.
So, they do not get to skip the accountability.

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Maybe… I am not bitter.
Maybe… I am just aware now.
Maybe… I finally see the patterns.
The enabling.
The blind eyes.
The excuses dressed up as love.

& I am done playing along.

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If that makes me cold –
so be it.
If that makes me angry –
good.
Because you should be angry when the people who were supposed to protect you…
did not.

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I am not asking for revenge.
I am not even asking for an apology.

I am just reclaiming the truth:
I did not deserve to be unprotected.

& saying that out loud?
That is not bitterness.
That is bravery.

Xoxo ♡