“You can’t starve someone of affection and be surprised when they learn to feed themselves.” -Jessica Katoff

My Interpretation: You can only beg for so long before you go quiet. You can only give so much before you go numb. One day, without yelling, without slamming a door; you just stop needing them. & that is the part they never see coming. Emotional starvation is not loud. It is a slow withering. It is rationing your needs like you are on your last MRE. & one day? You stop showing up hungry, because you are fucking tired of asking.

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You Can Not Emotionally Starve Someone – Then Get Mad They Stopped Needing You

Series 5: Part 6 – Standalone Punches

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Let me make this clear:
You cannot withhold love, ignore effort, dodge responsibility, dismiss pain –
& then get offended when I stop showing up like a woman starving for you.

Because I did the work.
➜ All of it.

I asked for romance to come back.
➜ Begged for it.

Not roses & private jets –
I was asking for shared effort.
For respect.
For love that did not feel like a transaction.

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Mowing the lawn? Once every two months –
even though I am allergic to grass. Verified.
Oil changes? Mine & yours.
Gas? Always me.
Your car? I returned it clean.
Mine? Always came back on empty but littered with beer cans.

& let us not pretend “days off” were equal.
You were on the couch.
I was folding your underwear on my lunch break
with a Zoom meeting on mute
& a toddler tugging on my shirt.

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Birthday gift?
A Blackstone griddle – not for me.
For you.
To cook for your friends.
Even though your friends broke the last one.
Even though my Amazon wishlist sat untouched.

One year, you took me out.
You complained about the prices.
Refused to stop at the bookstore.
Because God forbid, I wanted something for me.

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Meanwhile, I sent you off to:

• Casino trips

• Fishing weekends

• Cruises

Because when I love, I show it.

& when I bled – ghost-white, curled over –
you walked in & said:
“What’s for dinner?”

Even when I was sick.
Even when our kid was sick.
Even when I was too weak to stand.

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No debit card.
Everything went through my account.
Bills? Me.
Hotels? My name.
Refunds? Never.

Your money? “Play money.”
Of course.

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& I still tried.
Dressed up.
Drove us.
Stayed sober while you drank.
Gave everything I had to feel wanted.
So I would not be punished with silence.
So you would not call me cold.

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But who fed me?
Who carried it all?

Now you are shocked that I do not need you?
That I do not chase?
That I stopped asking for romance,
reciprocity,
respect?

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Let us be honest:
Emotional starvation is not about what is done.
It is about what is withheld.

Love was not given freely – it was rationed.
Affection was conditional.
Validation came with strings.
Support showed up late – if at all.
Apologies were laced with attitude.

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I used to ask for it – softly.
Please check in.
Please see me.
Please care.

When I did not get it, I blamed myself.
Maybe I am too much…
Maybe I am exhausting…
Maybe if I am smaller, softer, easier to love…

But shrinking did not make me lovable.
It made me invisible.

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So I stopped.
Quietly.
Slowly.
Painfully.

They call it “pulling away.”
They say, “You changed.”

What they don’t say is:
⇥ You stopped calling me beautiful,
so I stopped looking for your gaze.
⇥ You stopped asking how I was,
so I stopped answering.
⇥ You stopped meeting me halfway,
so I stopped walking toward you.
⇥ You stopped feeding me love –
so I built my own damn kitchen.

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They forget the years I swallowed my sadness.
The hours I hyped myself up
because no one else did.

& now that I have stopped needing them?
Now they are mad.
Now they call me cold.
Now they say I have changed.

No. I did not change.
I just stopped pretending to be full when I was starving.

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If you have been emotionally starving someone –
Do not act betrayed when they finally learn to survive without you.

They are not cold.
They are fed.
They are nourished.
They are whole – because they made themselves that way.

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If you are someone who has been on the receiving end?
Please, truly hear me:

You were not asking for too much.
You were just asking the wrong person.
& now? You do not have to ask at all.

You are allowed to leave the table.
You are allowed to want more.
You are allowed to say:

“This doesn’t feed me anymore.”

That does not make you heartless.
It makes you healed/on your way to healing.

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You do not get to emotionally starve someone –
& then act wounded when they stop needing you.

You trained them for this.
Now you have to live with it.

Xoxo ♡