“Grief is love with nowhere to go.” -Jamie Anderson

 

My Interpretation: Holidays expose the truth. Not the curated version – the real one. Who shows up. Who does not. Who makes excuses. Who puts effort in only when it is convenient. They reveal absence as loudly as presence. They show you who your anchors are, & who only floats in when it benefits them.

---

THANKSGIVING ROULETTE:

WHO ACTUALLY SHOWS UP THIS YEAR?

Most families have traditions.

Mine has roulette –

the annual guessing game of who might stroll in this year

& who will vanish into thin air until the next convenient holiday.

 

But this time?

This year?

The chaos did not start on Thanksgiving.

 

It started the Saturday before,

on a day that should have been simple:

 

♡ Rowan’s fifth birthday party.

 

The one day –

the one day –

where showing up would have actually meant something.

---

ROUND ONE:

THE BIRTHDAY PARTY NO ONE SHOWED UP FOR

Rowan’s birthday should have been easy.

Simple.

Joyful.

Five candles.

Cupcakes.

A grandmother.

A great-grandparent or two.

 

Instead?

 

Silence.

 

Empty chairs.

Cold plates.

A phone call in the middle of the damn party

from Cade’s grandparents saying

“one of us has vertigo.”

 

No warning.

No courtesy text.

No “we are so sorry.”

 

Just a call.

Mid-party.

Mid-cupcakes.

 

I did not even answer.

 

Because what was I supposed to say?

“Hope you feel better, but your great-grandson is blowing out candles alone”?

---

ROUND TWO:

LORRAINE’S SHINGLES SAGA… & BINGO TOUR

Ah, Lorraine.

 

Queen of contradictions.

Empress of selective illness.

The woman who said,

“I’d feel terrible if anyone got sick,”

right before:

going to Michigan

to buy weed

while actively having open shingles wounds

AND going to Bingo

in the same damn town, her grandson’s party is in.

 

You cannot make this up.

You genuinely cannot.

 

She could not come to the birthday

because she did not want to infect anyone –

but interstate travel & a bingo hall?

Totally fine.

 

It takes talent

to be ill only when responsibility is involved

& perfectly healthy when leisure appears.

 

Oscar-worthy, truly.

---

ROUND THREE:

THE 48-HOUR THANKSGIVING SURPRISE

Fast-forward five days.

 

It is Tuesday night.

I am cooking dinner.

Trying to recover from the emotional whiplash of the birthday.

 

& suddenly –

my phone lights up.

 

They ALL want to come to Thanksgiving.

 

In less than 48 hours.

 

Not a heads-up.

Not a conversation.

A declaration.

 

So, I did what I always do:

☒ Scrubbed my walls.

☒ Cleaned the entire house.

☒ Bought the groceries.

☒ Cooked the entire meal.

☒ Created the space.

☒ Held the emotional load

for everyone walking through that door

with perfect stomachs

& magically cured vertigo.

 

Because of course –

they all showed up for Thanksgiving.

 

Healthy.

Mobile.

Hungry.

Chatty.

Available.

 

Funny how that works.

---

ROUND FOUR:

HOLIDAY REALITY VS HALLMARK FANTASY

People love to pretend holidays are about family.

 

But sometimes

holidays just highlight the imbalance:

 

Who shows up for the child

vs

who shows up for the meal.

 

Who cancels when it matters

vs

who appears when it is convenient.

 

Who disappoints

vs

who genuinely tries.

 

Birthdays reveal priorities.

Thanksgiving reveals patterns.

 

& this year?

The pattern was painfully clear.

---

ROUND FIVE:

MY OWN TINY BRANCH OF FAMILY

Everyone thinks the chaos is about disappointment.

 

It is not.

It is about absence –

the kind that repeats

even when you pretend it does not hurt anymore.

 

Because the truth is:

 

My son has a bigger family tree than I do

& yet somehow

we always end up celebrating alone first.

 

Me.

Him.

Our tiny branch.

 

I show up for him

because no one ever showed up for me.

 

I create magic for him

because no one created it for me.

 

I hold it all together

because someone has to.

---

THE REAL TRUTH BENEATH THE HOLIDAY CHAOS

This year looked like:

Rowan’s birthday with chairs left empty

A guilt-text grandmother who had energy for Bingo

Great-grandparents mysteriously struck by vertigo mid-party

The same people showing up fully healed for Thanksgiving

Me cleaning an entire house alone

Me cooking an entire meal alone

Me hosting alone

Me absorbing the emotional hits

Me carrying the disappointment

Me showing up anyway

 

Because that is what I do.

 

That is what he deserves.

 

That is what love looks like

when you are the only consistent parent in the room.

---

THE HEAD-TILT TRUTH

Holidays do not expose bad people.

They expose patterns.

 

& this year’s pattern said:

 

People will show up for tradition

long before they show up for responsibility.

 

For a meal

before a milestone.

For convenience

before commitment.

 

But Rowan?

He still smiled.

Still laughed.

Still felt celebrated.

Still felt loved.

 

Because he had me.

 

& that was enough.

 

Xoxo ♡