“Some people follow recipes. Others experiment until something stops disappointing them.” –Me, after my third loaf this week

My Interpretation: Sourdough is a gamble. Sometimes you are a domestic goddess. Sometimes you are staring at a dense brick wondering what personal offense you committed.

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Success vs. Failure (There Is No In-Between)

 

There is no consistency here.

 

Either:

⤷ the dough is smooth, stretchy, cooperative

⤷ it rises like it has purpose

⤷ & I feel like I could open a bakery tomorrow

 

OR

it sits there

dense

unmoved

emotionally unavailable

 

…like it pays taxes but refuses to communicate.

 

& I need to know –

 

Is it me?

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The KitchenAid Conspiracy

 

Let us talk about the real issue.

 

Sometimes my KitchenAid works beautifully.

The dough comes together, smooth & elastic, like it understands the assignment.

 

Other times?

 

Nothing.

 

No rise.

No life.

No ambition.

 

So now I am left questioning everything:

⤷ Was I too lazy?

⤷ Does alpha-hole resent the mixer?

⤷ Does he expect to be worked by hand like it is 1820?

 

Because why are we rejecting technology here?

 

We have WiFi refrigerators, but my starter is like:

“Actually, I prefer suffering.”

 

That feels… unprogressive.

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Inclusions: Still Doing Whatever I Want

 

I will not be silenced on this.

 

My loaves have included:

✧ Garlic + Italian cheese (correct behavior)

✧ Dill + cheddar (Midwest excellence)

✧ Banana bread cinnamon roll situation (chaotic good)

✧ Butterfinger bits (do not question me)

✧ Pistachio experiments (ongoing, slightly reckless)

 

At this point, if it sounds questionable?

I am probably going to try it.

 

Because worst case scenario –

we learn something.

 

Best case?

I accidentally create something elite.

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Dense Bread? Okay… And?

 

People panic about dense loaves like it is the end of the world.

 

Respectfully –

 

Just toast it.

 

Suddenly it is:

⤷ warm

⤷ crisp

⤷ holding butter like it has a purpose again

 

Problem solved.

 

Not everything needs to be light & airy & perfect.

Some of us are just trying to eat something good & move on.

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The Bubble Problem (Yes, I Said It)

 

Here is where I am about to get controversial.

 

I do not want giant air pockets in my bread.

 

I do not.

 

They look cute in photos.

They make people feel artisanal.

 

But in real life?

 

They are annoying.

 

Try making a sandwich & suddenly:

⤷ your cream cheese disappears into a void

⤷ your butter falls through like it is giving up on you

⤷ your toppings are fighting for stability

 

No.

 

I want my bread tight.

Structured.

Reliable.

 

& before anyone says anything –

 

Yes, I hear how that sounds.

No, I am not adopting their slang.

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The Warmer Era (Because Apparently He Has Standards)

 

So now Alpha-Hole has a warmer.

 

Because it is winter… forever?

There is a weather advisory.

& apparently that affects his mood.

 

He now sits at a controlled temperature like he pays rent here.

 

& honestly?

 

He has been acting better.

 

Which is great –

but also confirms he has been difficult on purpose.

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Bread Bags vs. Ziploc (A Trial I Did Not Ask For)

 

I have officially entered my bread bag era.

 

Do I trust it?

No.

 

I have been a Ziploc girl this whole time –

& quite frankly, I expected greatness from it.

 

So now I am testing:

 

Are bread bags actually better?

Or are they just aesthetic propaganda?

 

We will find out.

 

I will report back.

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Final Thoughts

 

Sourdough is not about perfection.

 

It is about:

⤷ trial & error

⤷ questioning your own competence

⤷ & occasionally arguing with dough like it can hear you

 

Some days it works.

Some days it humbles you.

 

Either way –

we are still baking.

 

& that feels like enough.

 

Xoxo ♡