“Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action.” – Walter Anderson

My Interpretation: Anxiety is often misunderstood because people expect it to be obvious. They imagine panic attacks, shaking hands, or someone visibly overwhelmed. Sometimes it looks like that. Sometimes it does not.

Sometimes anxiety looks like preparation. It looks like hyping yourself up in the mirror when an activity you do not particularly enjoy is the event. Reading reviews before booking a hotel. Looking up the open hours for things in the area & having alternative options to offer if things suddenly change so you do not lose the plot. Having a backup plan for the original plan, & occasionally a backup plan for the backup plan. I think many people confuse preparedness with personality. They do not see the planning, the anticipation, or the mental energy that made that comfort possible.

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I have a confession.

If we are going to a restaurant, there is a very good chance I have already looked at the menu.

Not while we are driving there.

Not fifteen minutes before we walk in.

Days before.

Sometimes embarrassingly far in advance.

 

I know what I am ordering. I know my backup order if they are out of what I originally wanted. I am also prepared to go with the waiter’s favorite item if my backup item is not available. I know whether they have decent appetizers. If the parking situation looks questionable, there is a strong possibility I have investigated that too.

The waiter thinks I made a spontaneous decision.

The waiter is incorrect.

 

What makes this even funnier is that I genuinely thought everyone did this.

Apparently they do not.

Apparently there are people wandering around this planet who simply agree to go out to eat without conducting any research whatsoever. They do not review the menu. They do not look at photos. They do not check reviews. They do not assess parking logistics.

They just show up.

 

I have spent thirty-three years believing these people were a myth.

I am still not entirely convinced they exist.

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The strangest part, though, is that people often describe me as easy-going.

 

I have heard it my entire life.

⇨ Easy-going.

⇨ Laid back.

⇨ Flexible.

⇨ Adaptable.

 

Every time someone says it, I have the same reaction.

⤷ Confusion.

 

Because while I understand why it appears that way from the outside, it never feels that way from the inside.

⇨ What people are seeing is the finished product.

⇨ They are not seeing the preparation that happened beforehand.

 

They do not see the mental checklist running quietly in the background. They do not see me looking up directions before leaving just so no one is waiting on me so I am not the inconvenience or spotlight. They do not see me checking the weather forecast three separate times. They do not see me thinking through timing, logistics, backup plans, or possible obstacles.

 

They only see someone who arrived calm.

The calm part gets the credit.

The preparation part gets ignored.

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The older I get, the more I realize this extends far beyond restaurants.

 

For a long time, I assumed everyone approached life this way. Then I started noticing that some people genuinely seem comfortable with uncertainty.

 

➜ They can change plans at the last minute.

➜ They can walk into unfamiliar situations without researching them first.

➜ They can figure things out as they go.

➜ They are genuinely comfortable being in the limelight.

 

I admire those people.

I also do not understand them.

 

Because somewhere along the way, I learned that preparation creates safety.

I do not mean safety in a dramatic sense.

I mean the quiet kind.

 

The kind that lets your shoulders relax.

The kind that allows you to enjoy yourself once you get there.

The kind that comes from knowing what to expect.

---

When life has been unpredictable enough, you start creating predictability wherever you can find it.

 

≫ You learn the exits.

≫ You learn the routes.

≫ You learn the backup plans.

≫ You learn how to anticipate problems before they become problems.

 

Not because you expect disaster around every corner, but because being prepared feels better than being surprised.

 

For years, I viewed that tendency as a flaw.

⤷ I told myself I overthought things.

⤷ I told myself I worried too much.

⤷ I told myself I needed to relax.

 

Now I am not so sure.

---

Because maybe preparation is not preventing me from participating in life.

Maybe preparation is the reason I can participate in the first place.

Maybe knowing where I am going, what I am doing, & what to expect is what allows me to actually enjoy the experience once I arrive.

Maybe preparedness is not always fear. Maybe sometimes it is simply the way a person learned to create safety for themselves. Maybe it is how they learned to participate in the world.

 

That does not mean every unknown is dangerous.

It does not mean every situation requires a contingency plan worthy of a military operation.

 

I am still learning the difference between healthy preparation & unnecessary anxiety.

Some days I am better at it than others.

 

But I no longer think preparedness is the character flaw I once believed it was.

If anything, it is probably one of the reasons I appear calm.

 

People see someone who seems easy-going.

What they do not see is the work that made that possible.

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So yes, I will continue reading menus before arriving.

I will continue checking parking situations.

I will continue researching details that most people would consider completely unnecessary.

 

There are limits to personal growth.

& honestly, if knowing what I am ordering before I walk through the front door helps me enjoy dinner with the people I care about, that seems like a perfectly reasonable trade.

 

Even if everyone else insists on pretending spontaneity is fun.

 

xoxo ♡