Beau: The Loud One Who Made Me Laugh Again

“Some people don’t stay in your life forever, but they still leave forever love behind.” –Sierra DeMulder

My Interpretation: I did not need Beau to save me. But he reminded me I could still laugh. Still be held. Still be chosen. He was a chapter I did not see coming – & one I will never fully close. I still smile when I drive through that one town. Still think of Captain Morgan. I still remember when we were Peanut Butter & Jelly for Halloween – squishing everyone in between us like idiots in love. He was chaos. But he was kind.

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🧃 Rebound or Reprieve?

He was not my forever.
But he reminded me I still had a heart.

Loud. Messy. Kind.
A soft place to land when everything else was crashing down.

We were not ready.
Not even close.
I had just crawled out of the emotional wreckage that was Grady.
& Beau did not know how to hold anything without dropping it either.
But for a while?
He made me feel... easy.
Not simple. Not small. Just easy to love.

Like I did not have to audition for softness.

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🏠 Safe for a While

He was the kind of boy who meant it when he said I was beautiful - 
Even when I was crying in a hoodie
Or laughing through a panic spiral.

He did not know how to process his own pain,
But he never made mine worse.

& that?
Was enough for me then.

Christmas with his family felt like warmth I had not known in years.
His mom liked me.
The dog curled up next to me.
There were lights on the porch and laughter in the kitchen.
It felt like maybe healing did not have to be quiet.
Maybe it could be loud.

& God, he was loud.
But not cruel.
Not manipulative (just lacked the good ole EI).
Just a boy still learning how to carry his own weight without dropping it all at once.

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💔 We Were Two Storms

We broke up because we had to.
Two storms trying to hold hands in the wind.

There was no betrayal.
No drama.
Just timing.
Tenderness.
& the quiet ache of not enough.

& then - 
he died.

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❓ The Questions That Stayed

They said it was suicide.
But the town still whispers about the woman he was with.
Another boyfriend of hers gone the same way.

No one knows the full story.
Maybe no one ever will.

We have no answers.
Just grief.
& Facebook posts.
& the hollow click of “sad” reactions on a timeline that does not know the whole of him.

He did not deserve that ending.
Whichever one it really was.

He deserved to figure it out.
To grow up.
To find someone who could match his volume & his loyalty.
To watch his son, grow up.
To love loud & finally be loved steadily.

He deserved peace.

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🧿 If You Are Listening, Beau…

If you are a ghost, homie, you owe me some good luck.
Hide the keys of my enemies. Make their Wi-Fi glitch.
Keep singing off-key in the sky, or wherever you are.

We had not spoken in years.
But I did love you.
Not like Rowe.
But I did.

& you deserved more than a suspicious ending & a digital obituary.

For the boy who made surviving feel like something I could do with a laugh.
You mattered.
Even if the world did not notice in time. 
I will drink a Captain & Coke in your honor (it will be Diet Coke & with lime – ‘cause I am classy). 


Xoxo ♡

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