“You don’t lose a real friend. You lose the illusion they were one.” – Doe Zantamata

My Interpretation: She knew my history. My trauma. My heart. She knew better. But she chose safety in numbers over standing with the girl who needed her. Now she is circling back; but I do not trust open arms – from someone who handed me over in the first place.

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🖤 My Chaos Twin

Sabrina was not just my best friend.
She was my other half.

Fire & gasoline.
Trouble by design.
Sleepovers that blurred into mornings,
Laughter that cracked the air open.

She once picked a fight with a girl’s best friend in high school
because that girl was mean to me.

We were that locked in.

We faced bullying together.
Rumors. Whispers.
Called lesbians until they found out
how strong I really was.
(#biceps #brokeherjaw)
But the point is –
We were unbreakable.

Until we no longer were.

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💔 The Divide They Created

It started with Cruz.
He drove the wedge.
Then Cade widened it.
& Sabrina… just let it happen.

She aligned with them.
She came around again when it was convenient –
when Cruz started working with Cade.
When the mess quieted.
When it did not cost her anything.

She knew Cade.
She knew Cruz.
She knew what I was surviving.

& she still stood next to them.

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📉 The Thousand Tiny Betrayals

She did not vanish.
She repositioned.

She got quiet when I needed her voice.
Chose proximity over protection.
Presence over principle.

She let them do the damage.
Let them tell the story.
Let them hand her the matchbook –
& she lit the fuse.

She laughed with Cade.
Let Cruz rewrite everything.

Continuously chose to believe his every lie over my truths.

Ignored all of the receipts.
She did not stop them.
Did not defend me.
Did not speak up.

That is how I lost her.

Not in one moment.
But in a thousand tiny silences
that whispered:
“You are too much to defend.”

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📲 The Reach-Back That Feels Hollow

Now?
Now she is trying again.
A message here.
A soft emoji there.
The slow inch of someone
trying to see if the door is still cracked.

But I remember.

I remember who held my hair when I cried.
& I remember who held her silence when it mattered.

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📓 The Warning She Became

Sabrina was not a betrayal I ever saw coming.
She was the slow kind.
The bleeding-out-over-years kind.

The grieving someone still alive kind.

The kind you do not know is happening
until you are left alone in the wreckage
realizing she is standing on the other side of the line.

She taught me that not all friends leave loudly.
Some just loosen their grip
every time you scream a little too loudly
or survive a little too visibly.

She was not my villain.
But she became my lesson.
That even your favorite girl can hand you over
when the men in the room make it easier.

xoxo ♡