“Some people aren’t meant to walk with you forever. Some just teach you where not to stop.” –Yasmin Mogahed

My Interpretation: She made me feel like I could lean on her… until I did. Then she vanished. & I learned how to stand up on my own again.

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🗽 New York & the Illusion of Closeness

New York was supposed to mean something.
It felt like a reset. A reconnection.
She called me after reading the letter I wrote –
emotional, sincere.
Swore she would do better.
Swore I mattered.

It felt like she heard me for once.
Like she would show up this time.
But that was the last time she did.

No follow-up.
No check-in.
Just photos of cruises. Concerts. Trips.
All without a word to me.
All without paying back a single cent
for a trip she asked to take
& I paid for.

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🎄 The Christmas That Broke It All

Once, we made plans to see Christmas lights.
I waited.
Three hours.
No response.
No explanation.

Then I got there –
& saw her.
Already there.
With a new guy.
Pretending I did not exist.

She ditched me.
Ignored me.
& that was it.

We did not speak for years.

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🔁 The Pattern She Never Broke

When she finally came back around –
I welcomed her.
Again.
I showed up for her.
Again.

I set alarms in New York
to remember when she usually got hangry.
Because I wanted her to be comfortable.
Because I wanted her to feel thought of.

I followed her lead.
Went shopping (ick).
Went to bars (ick again).
Paid for weird stuff that somehow ended up on my credit card.

I played the part.
Because I thought she was worth it.

But somehow,
I was never enough.

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🥂 The Loud One Who Left Me in the Quiet

She is loud.
She needs attention.
She knows that.

& I never judged her for it.
I did the robot dance around her in a crowded bar
just to make her laugh.
To help her loosen up.

I am not flashy.
I am soft-spoken.
Quiet.
Private.

But I am also pretty.
Curvy.
Sharp.
Bookish.
The Blair Waldorf of budgeted bookstores,
& I showed the fuck up.

But still –
I never seemed to measure up.
I never felt like enough.

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🎂 The Birthday They All Forgot

She forgot my birthday.
She was not the only one.
Ten people remembered –
because Facebook told them to.

But this one stung harder.
Because in New York,
we laughed at a dumb joke
& made a promise:
Kringles for birthdays. Always.

It was not really about the pastry.
It was about remembering.
About meaning something to each other.

She promised me a Kringle.
I did not even get a text.

She had time for champagne.
She had time for cruises.
But she did not have time for me.

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📓 The Wildcard Who Wore Anchor Disguises

She was never cruel.
But she was never constant.
She showed up loud –
& left quiet.

Every time.

I wanted her to be an Anchor.
She could not be.

She is the kind of person who wants friendship
when it is fun,
when it is light,
when it looks good in photos.

But when it is quiet,
when it is heavy,
when it is inconvenient?

She disappears.

She did not break my heart.
She just made it tired.

xoxo ♡