“Some people don’t want the truth. They just want you to hurt the way they do.” –Megan Devine

My Interpretation: She did not need to understand my grief. She just needed to respect it. But she could not do that. Not even for him. Cassidy always saw me as competition – even when I was just holding onto her brother’s memory with both hands, trying not to fall apart.

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⚔️ The Rivalry I Never Asked For

She was Rowe’s little sister.
But instead of bonding over him,
she turned it into a battlefield.

She was younger.
But weaponized it like a pro.

She would lie.
She would stir shit.
She hid my bike once
so I would get home late –
just to get me in trouble with Diana.
To get me hit.

She knew what that meant.
She did it anyway.

All while pretending it was just sibling chaos.
Just teasing.
Just “little sister energy.”

But the bruises were not jokes.
& I was tired of playing along.

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🔪 The Jealousy That Cut Us Both

She was obsessed with Rowe.
Looked at him like he was a star.
Got weird about it.
Like she had a crush she did not understand.

She constantly tried to wedge someone else between us –
Brought other girls into the room
who she knew liked him.
Who made me uncomfortable.
On purpose.

Like if she could not have his love,
she could destroy mine.

But Rowe & I were different.
Endgame different.
He put me in the story.
I did not write myself in.

She never understood that.
So, she tried to tear the pages out instead.

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🕯 The Memory She Tried to Own

When he died, she broke.
& she looked at me like I was the thief.
Like I had stolen him.
Stolen the right to grieve.

She wanted to be the gatekeeper of his memory.
But grief does not come with locks.
& legacy does not have just one key.

She never saw me as someone who loved him.
Only as someone who took up space.

& that?
That kind of bitterness will always sting.

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👶 The Mother She Became

In adulthood –
she changed.

She grew.
She softened.
She became a mother.
& I watched her shine in that role.

She was one of the only people I ever trusted with Rowan.
When he was little,
I would drive hours for the peace of mind she gave me.

Because that is how small my circle was.
Because SIDS is real.
& Cassidy does not pass out.
She shows up.

She is good with babies.
Better than most.
& maybe motherhood is where her truest self finally found light.

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🩸 The Damage I Still Remember

But some things?
They do not reset.

The lies.
The manipulation.
The way she let Marlene turn us into enemies.

She taught me patience –
but only because she tested it to the edge.

I gave her grace.
Years of grace.
I did not knock her out.
Did not retaliate.
Because I believed in Rowe.
& he loved her.
So I held back.

But the damage is in my bones.
& trust does not grow back clean after bruises.

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📓 The Wildcard She Will Always Be

Cassidy is proof that people can grow.
She did.

But she will always be a Wildcard.
Because there is still a piece of me
that does not flinch around her –
but does keep one eye open.

She is not my villain.
But she is not my safety either.

I am not her rival.
I am not her problem.
I am just a monotone, sarcastic bookworm
with killer punchlines
who wants out of their games.

Leave me out of your fucking battles.

xoxo ♡