“It wasn’t your job to be the adult when you were still a child. But you did it anyway. And that doesn’t make you broken – it makes you a goddamn miracle.” -Words I needed someone to say

My Interpretation: I did not fail as a child. The people who should have protected me failed me. But somehow, I still became someone worth loving. Even if I had to teach myself how. I should never have been “mature for my age” or questioning my self-worth based on the opinions of the ‘caretakers’ in my life.

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How Do You Fix An Inner Child That Never Got A Childhood?

Series 5: Post 2 – Standalone Punches

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I did not have a childhood.

I had survival drills.

I had performance reviews disguised as family dinners.

I had emotional landmines in places that should have felt like home.

 

I was not the carefree kid on the playground.

I was the one watching everyone else,

trying to mimic the parts of childhood that looked safe.

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& now?

 

Now I sit in therapy & get told,

“We will work on healing your inner child.”

& I want to scream –

What inner child?

 

→The only kid I remember being was the one walking on eggshells.

→The one anticipating everyone else’s emotions.

→The one learning how to read a room before she could even spell the word “boundary.”

 

I did not play.

I planned.

I did not daydream → I disassociated.

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○ I have read the self-help books.

○ I have journaled.

○ I have written letters to a little girl I can barely picture anymore.

○ I have tried talking to her like she is still inside me.

 

But most days?

It feels like trying to hug a ghost.

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You want to know what is confusing as hell?

 

● Trying to re-parent a version of yourself that never got to be a child in the first place.

● Trying to teach softness to a soul that only knows how to be sharp.

● Trying to tell yourself, “It was not your fault,” when a part of you still thinks maybe it was.

 

& the kicker?

Even questioning whether that is narcissistic –

That is proof of the wound.

 

You were made to believe that asking for help was selfish.

That needing softness made you weak.

That being small meant you were inconvenient.

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So how do you fix her?

 

Honestly?

You do not.

Because she is not broken.

 

You reclaim her.

 

You find her in the trivial things:

→ In the bright colors you wear unapologetically.

→In the music that makes you dance in the kitchen like no one is watching.

→In the weird snacks you buy just because they taste like 1997.

→In the shows you rewatch because they remind you of the girl who needed to feel something other than tension.

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You rebuild her safety – brick by goddamn brick.

→You tell her she does not have to smile to be worthy.

→You tell her she can rest now.

→You tell her she can say no & still be loved.

→You let her be messy, loud, joyful, impulsive, emotional, real.

 

& when the world tries to tell you that is too much?

You tell it to fuck right off.

 

Because you did not survive all that just to be palatable.

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The truth?

 

You should not have to fix your inner child.

You should have been protected.

You should have been allowed to be a child.

 

But now that you are the adult?

You get to do what they could not.

You get to make her feel safe.

You get to be the softness she never got.

 

Not because you owe it to her.

But because she deserved it all along.

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You did not fail your inner child.

You found her.

& that is a beginning worth everything.

 

Xoxo ♡