“If you’ve been starving for love, you won’t recognize it when it finally arrives. You’ll call it boring. You’ll call it too easy. But really? It’s just peaceful. And you’re not used to peace yet.” –Vienna Pharaon

My Interpretation: Good things do not always come wrapped in fireworks and chaos. Sometimes they arrive gently. Quietly. Peacefully. & if you have only ever known survival, healing will feel uncomfortable. Joy will feel suspicious. Peace will feel fake. I flinch…often. I rehearse apologies I have not needed. I brace when the phone rings. I triple-check the locks: on my car, on my heart, on my future. Not because I am paranoid. But because I am still unlearning the belief that good things always come with pain.

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Series 5: Post 5 – Standalone Punches

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It’s strange, isn’t it?
To crave stability with every cell in your body –
& still panic the moment it actually shows up?

I used to think chaos was love.
Anxiety? Chemistry.
Butterflies? Just a warning I romanticized.

So when something came easy –
without games, without a storm –
I told myself:

• “This cannot be real.”
• “This feels off.”

But it was not off.
It was just peaceful.
& I did not recognize peace
because I had only ever known storms.

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I’m still learning how to sit with goodness without gripping it too tight.
Without waiting for it to vanish.
Without making it harder than it needs to be.

Because somewhere deep in my bones,
I still think I have to suffer for the good things.
That joy must be earned.
That peace must be proven.
That love must come at a cost.

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But I am trying something different now.

I am letting the good things stay.
∼ Even if they feel unfamiliar.
∼ Even if they make me cry.
∼ Even if my trauma tells me I should run.

Because I am tired –
of running,
of apologizing for wanting softness,
of sabotaging calm just because it does not scream.

I want to believe:

↪︎ The good things are not a setup.

↪︎ That love can be gentle.

↪︎ That safety does not need alarms.

↪︎ That I do not need to keep bleeding just to feel worthy.

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So when a friend checks in?
I do not spiral.

When my child hugs me?
I let it land.

When something actually works out?
I stop myself from saying, “This is too good to be true.”

It is not too good.
It is just good.
& I am allowed to have good things.

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I am still learning.
But every time I do not run –
Every time I stay, receive, believe –
I get a little closer to peace.

Not the kind I fake for others.
Not the kind I chase.
The kind I build.
The kind I keep.

Xoxo ♡