“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.” –George Bernard Shaw

My Interpretation: I think every region has its own language. Not necessarily different words, but different meanings attached to those words. The Midwest is particularly talented at this. We can have an entire conversation without ever saying the thing we actually mean. We soften. We redirect. We hint. We imply. We apologize. We smile. We avoid conflict like it is an Olympic sport. The problem is that eventually you realize half the room is operating on assumptions. One person thinks they communicated clearly. The other person thinks they understood.
Neither realizes they just spent twenty minutes speaking entirely different languages. Somewhere between politeness & avoidance, the message gets lost.
Maybe that is why direct communication feels so refreshing to me these days. Not because it is brash or rude – but because it leaves less room for people to build stories that were never true in the first place.

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Midwest Terms & Conditions

If you have lived in the Midwest long enough, there are rules.

Nobody gives you a handbook.
Nobody sits you down for orientation.

You simply absorb them through observation until one day you realize you have become…
part of the problem.

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For example:
“We should get together sometime.”

There is approximately a 12% chance anybody involved intends to get together sometime.
⤷ The statement itself is the gathering.
⤷ The suggestion was the event.

Congratulations!

You have now socialized.

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Another example.

A Midwesterner says:

“Interesting.”

Now we begin the game.

 

Interesting can mean:

↪︎ I love it.

↪︎ I hate it.

↪︎ I am concerned.

↪︎ I am judging you.

↪︎ I have questions.

↪︎ Please leave my house.

 

There is no way to know.

Good luck.

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Then there is the goodbye.

No other region says goodbye the way Midwesterners do.

A normal goodbye should take thirty seconds.

A Midwest goodbye takes somewhere between forty-five minutes & a federal investigation.

 

≫ First, somebody stands up.

≫ Then somebody says they should probably get going.

≫ Then everyone slowly migrates toward the doorway.

≫ Then an entirely new conversation begins.

≫ Then another.

≫ Then another.

≫ At some point everyone is standing outside discussing weather patterns they have already discussed three separate times.

≫ Nobody leaves.

≫ Nobody knows why.

≫ It simply happens.

 

I do not make the rules.

I merely suffer beneath them.

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Speaking of weather…

I am convinced Midwesterners discuss weather because it is the safest possible topic.

✗ Weather requires no vulnerability.

✗ No conflict.

✗ No risk.

Just thirty-seven different ways to say:

“Surrree is windy.”

Which, for the record, is a complete conversation.

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Then there is my personal favorite:

“How are you?”

Now before everyone grabs their pitchforks, I understand this is meant to be polite.

But let us be honest.

Most people do not actually want the answer.

The socially accepted response is:

“Good. You?”

 

➜ Even if your life is actively collapsing.

➜ Even if your dog just threw up on the carpet.

➜ Even if your check engine light came on.

➜ Even if you are currently being held together by caffeine, sarcasm, & pure spite.

The answer remains:

“Good. You?”

 

Because we are all participating in the same social contract.

The one nobody signed.

The one everybody somehow understands.

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& I think that is where I struggle.

Not because I dislike people.

Not because I despise the Midwest culture.

But because I am increasingly realizing I prefer clarity.

 

If you want to get together, let us get together.

If you do not, that is okay too.

 

If you are upset, tell me.

If you need help, ask.

If you do not like something, say it.

 

Life becomes significantly less complicated when people stop expecting everyone else to decode hidden messages.

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Maybe that is why places outside the Midwest sometimes feel different to me.

Not necessarily better.

Just different.

 

The conversations feel more direct.

The expectations feel clearer.

The social gymnastics feel less exhausting.

 

& perhaps that says more about me than it does the Midwest.

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Because despite all my complaining, I know these habits came from somewhere.

⤷ Most of them were built from kindness.

⤷ From not wanting to hurt feelings.

⤷ From wanting everyone around us to feel comfortable.

There is something beautiful about that.

There really is.

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But there is also something beautiful about honesty.

About saying what you mean.

About letting people respond to the actual words instead of the hidden ones.

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So while I may eventually leave the Midwest, I suspect parts of it will follow me forever.

 

↪︎ I will still say “ope.”

↪︎ I will still apologize when somebody bumps into me.

↪︎ I will still discuss weather like it is breaking news.

↪︎ I will probably still stand in somebody’s doorway for twenty minutes after saying goodbye.

 

Some habits die hard.

Others simply become part of who we are.

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But if I could change one thing about the Midwest Terms & Conditions, it would be this:

I wish more people trusted that honesty is not cruelty.

Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is say exactly what you mean.

Even if it takes less than forty-five minutes.

 

xoxo ♡