“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” -George Bernard Shaw
My Interpretation: I tend to become restless, nostalgic, mentally overloaded, & sometimes even desperate to feel like a person outside of motherhood & my responsibilities. Then my brain hands me a new side quest that I call a “life crisis” with start-up costs. This is not some shocking departure from my personality – this is my personality. When life feels to chaotic, I do not just distract myself – I become a beginner at something. I gather information, buy the equipment, obsess over learning, & slowly turn uncertainty into skill. It is how I have always found my footing in the world.
I Fear Commitment. Unless It Is To A New Hobby.
I think I might be entering another life crisis.
Before anyone panics, please understand that I have had several.
⤷ There was the Cricut life crisis.
⤷ The sourdough life crisis.
⤷ The “I should probably write a book” life crisis.
⤷ The “I accidentally started a blog” life crisis.
⤷ The “let us acquire another puppy because clearly life is too peaceful” life crisis.
⤷ The art life crisis.
There have been many.
Apparently, my brain copes with stress by handing me a brand-new personality every so often.
This year’s personality?
A crotch rocket.
Yes, yes… I know they are called “sport bikes” now. I genuinely do not care. I grew up calling them crotch rockets & I refuse to let society gaslight me into calling them anything else. I am a ’90s kid. It is staying.
Before anyone starts sending me statistics & horror stories, let me save you the time.
I know.
→ Bikes are dangerous.
→ People are distracted.
The Midwest has apparently signed a peace treaty with deer that I somehow missed.
Trust me. I have Google. I have YouTube. I have Reddit. I have approximately 4,000 tabs open discussing helmets, jackets, gloves, MSF courses, the Kawasaki Ninja 500, insurance, beginner mistakes, target fixation, emergency braking, & every other thing that can go wrong.
I am aware.
Oddly enough though… I do not think this post is actually about motorcycles.
I think it is about why my brain keeps deciding I need a new hobby every time life gets difficult.
Lately I have been deep in my “emo music” phase. Maybe it is nostalgia. Maybe it is because Rowan is somehow close to starting kindergarten. Maybe it is because this year has mentally kicked my ass. Maybe I have been pulled in so many different directions that I have forgotten which direction was originally mine.
Maybe I am just tired.
Whatever the reason, my brain apparently looked around & said, “You know what would really tie the room together? A motorcycle.”
The funny part is… this is not new.
Every single one of my life crises has involved equipment.
Apparently, I cannot simply process my emotions like a normal person. No. My brain immediately says, “Hear me out… what if we bought supplies?”
When life feels chaotic, I do not shut down.
I learn.
⤷ I learned how to bake sourdough.
⤷ I learned how to use a Cricut.
⤷ I learned WordPress.
⤷ I started writing.
⤷ I picked up painting.
⤷ I started looking into cybersecurity.
Now I am researching motorcycles.
Different hobbies.
Same brain.
It finally clicked for me that I am not collecting hobbies.
I am collecting competencies.
Learning something new reminds me that I am still capable of becoming someone I have never been before. Every time life feels uncertain, I seem to find something that says, “Okay… but what if we became good at this?”
Honestly… that feels healthier than doom scrolling.
The thing that makes me laugh is that I am probably one of the least intimidating future motorcycle riders imaginable.
I am already the person who lets ninety percent of traffic go first. I wave people through intersections like I am directing an orchestra. If I see a bunny standing near the road, we are slowing down. If I see a deer a block ahead, I have already accepted that everyone behind me is waiting while Brenda finishes crossing with her cousins.
Progressive’s Snapshot basically rewarded me for driving like I am transporting a pot of soup.
I am not worried that I am suddenly going to think I am starring in Fast & Furious.
I am worried about everyone else.
Because no matter how careful I am, I cannot control the person looking at their phone, the person who never checks their blind spot, or the person who decides that using their turn signal would somehow reveal government secrets.
That is reality.
Which is exactly why I have been looking into the Motorcycle Safety Foundation courses.
If I decide to do this, I want to do it correctly.
Not because someone told me to.
Because that is just how I am wired.
I want parking lots.
Practice.
Quiet roads.
More practice.
Then more practice after that.
If I ever put Rowan on the back of that bike someday, I want it to be because I have earned the confidence to do so – not because I got comfortable too quickly. That would never be a Year One decision. That would be a “I have spent a long time learning this & I trust myself” decision.
I think that is what people misunderstand.
I am not chasing speed.
I am chasing competence.
Those are two completely different things.
I did ride a dirt bike once.
Once.
I was about ten years old. I whiskey throttled the poor thing – launched myself off of it – dusted myself off, & collectively my brain + I decided that two wheels were no longer part of the life plan.
Case closed.
Instead, I spent years on four wheels.
I had a pink Polaris Outlaw because, as Rowe once said, “Pink is for pimps.”
Words to live by.
There was something deeply satisfying about passing grown men on the trails while riding a bright pink four-wheeler. The assumptions disappeared pretty quickly after that.
I loved that four-wheeler.
I miss it.
Unfortunately, trail riding has changed. Side-by-sides have completely taken over, & I cannot bring myself to spend the price of an actual vehicle just so I can intentionally drive it through mud.
It feels… financially offensive.
So maybe this is the next chapter.
Maybe I end up with a Ninja 500.
Maybe I decide motorcycles are not for me after taking the MSF course.
Maybe my next life crisis involves pottery or stained glass or underwater basket weaving.
Honestly, nothing is off the table anymore.
What I do know is that this post was never really about motorcycles.
It was about realizing that every time life knocks me sideways, I instinctively go looking for something new to learn.
I do not collect hobbies.
I collect proof that I can still grow.
Maybe that is what this entire year has been trying to teach me.
Or maybe...
I just really want a crotch rocket.
Both can be true.
xoxo ♡
Whisper to the ghosts. Yell into the void. Just don’t be an asshole.